2009 and I’m feeling fine?

I seem to have forgotten my diary, so I guess I’ll have to get my feelings out there. This is me exploring.

I swear I’m never satisfied. Ever.  I’m in the mood for change- I don’t want to carry on as I am because I’m not sure it can ever lead to anything. I’m not sure I like the person I am currently; well up to a point…

I’m loving all the friends I have this year- I seem to have settled in and found my clique who accept all of my obvious flaws and I adore them all back, but I can’t help wondering- why the hell should they accept my flaws? Will they carry on supporting me if I want to change- is our friendship good enough? I still need to grow the hell up. I want to be respected.

I noticed that I probably accomplished about three of the things I wanted to do in my last post, so it seems rather pointless to list resolutions but I need something to strive for. I need something concrete and permenant that will remind me not to fuck up. Other than looking after myself health-wise I’m not sure I can put anything into words yet. When it happens this will be edited.

My current issue is that it’s really getting me down is my inability to like someone. I mean really like them- to fall in love. Maybe I’ve just been ruined by the perfect idea of love that we’re constantly subjected to . Mr Darcy anyone? I find it hard to believe that anyone could ever feel about me like that and I feel awful that I can’t reciprocate it. Take the situation I’m in  now for example. I wanted it to happen, it happened and now I’m not sure what the hell I want. I think I should just give it a go for a while and then if I feel the same pull out, but at the same time I can sense it’s not quite right. If it were right, I would feel satisfied; I wouldn’t still be looking. I think ultimately I need to be honest and if it doesn’t suit him, I won’t blame him for running away.